Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
