In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
