im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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