One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
