sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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