??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
