Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
