your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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