would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
its liver damage thursday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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