making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
