Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
