god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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