If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
