get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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