It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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