thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
