My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
