so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
