i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
His hands were made for my vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
