Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
