i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
