Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Found the puke drawer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
