i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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