Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
