Betty ford says i'm here all night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
