Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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