there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
