Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
