just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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