there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
