your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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