mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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