doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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