you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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