i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
only you would photoshop your dick
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
