In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
