He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
