We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
