so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
