He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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