Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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