just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
