Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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