guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
