The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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