dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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