Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
