so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
