Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
