idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
