i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
