I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
