Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
