what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize