she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think i have herpe
just one?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
