You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
