I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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