Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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