I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
