I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
