I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
