He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
