Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize