When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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