They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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