The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
