And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
