Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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