could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
