I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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