I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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