My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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