doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
