is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
