I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
