I hope mine doesn't look like that
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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