On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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