i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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