And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
