You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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