Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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