Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
